Happy Marriages

Lesson 3

Today we light this candle

As the flames rise and swell

Joining our hearts together

On this day of wedding bells.

We’re beginning life together

The future no one can tell

Yet our love is still united

On this day of wedding bells.

—BBBristow

L - Love must never go out of style.

Love is one of the essential ingredients that holds a marriage together. However, not all that is called love in a marriage is true love. This is a very powerful word that can explode with devastating results unless handled properly. Love is not to be confused with lust. It is common to hear different ones say, “I have fallen out of love,” or “He or she no longer meets my needs.” [1]

Most of the time, those who say such things are those who have fallen out of lust. When the honeymoon is over and the newness of their experience is commonplace, they think their love is gone. You can be assured that true love does not act this way. [2]

Tests and Challenges

It cannot be denied that tests and challenges will come to all marriages, because it is true that the time comes when all honeymoons are over. However, love must continue on! In times of disappointments, uncontrolled tempers, and of being deprived, love will not quit! Love whispers softly, “We will work this out, and we will find a way. Love sees the rough places in marriage, but seeks to smooth them out. [3]

No Substitutes

There are NO substitutes for love! Yes, other things are tried, but sooner or later they will fail. Paul wrote: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:25,28).. “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them” (Colossians 3:19). Wives are also taught to love their husbands. “. . . admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children” (Titus 2:4). [4]

Worldly Concept

Remember, there is a difference between the concept of love by the world and the love of the Bible. God’s love is designed to grow whether the circumstances are favorable or unfavorable. God’s love seeks to forgive and seeks to change even the unlovable! This is the kind of love that God demonstrated to the human race. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). [5]

Therefore, husbands and wives who want to find happiness in their marriages will never allow love to grow cold or to go out of style. When both work faithfully to reach this goal, they will sincerely find a pot of gold marked happiness at the end of their rainbow. [6]

M - Make God first, each other second, and family and friends last.

To have a happy marriage, it is important to have our priorities in the right order. Those who are Christians have specific instructions on how to do this. In all relationships of true Christians, God must be first. [7]

Jesus set forth this important rule: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). “ ‘And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment” (Mark 12:30). [8]

God Must Be First

Why is it important to make God first in marriage? First of all, it is important because we need someone with supreme authority above ourselves, and only God has such authority. Since He is our creator and sustainer, we must have His guidance. Paul said of God: “for in Him we live and move and have our being, . . .” (Acts 17:28). Therefore, when we look to ourselves and any other human authority for guidance, we will fail. [9]

Second, God is the creator and designer of marriage. Thus, His divine principles for living within His will are in harmony with marriage. Married couples that put God first will seek to follow the beautiful teachings of God’s Son. This will cause them to follow love, kindness, consideration, trust, truthfulness, faithfulness, and many other positive traits. Thousands of marriages have succeeded because they followed God way in their marriage, while thousands who did not have failed. [10]

Each Other

Once God has received first place, a happy married couple will make each other second to all others. Yes, they will still love their parents dearly, but they have followed God’s original instruction for man to: “leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Matthew 19:5). [11]

The husband will fulfill his God given role with love. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,” (Ephesians 5:25). The wife will fulfill her God given role by submitting to her husband in love. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18; Cf. Titus 2:4). [12]

Family and Friends

The final order for priorities in marriage is family and friends last. At first, this may not seem right, because children are so important in a happy marriage. However, children who have parents who are fully devoted to each other will receive the greatest care. Why is this? Because their care will come from a united front of love. Such children will experience a peaceful and harmonious environment, without jealousy and selfishness. [13]

Children who have parents who put each other first will not be spoiled and selfish, but will be guided and trained by love (Ephesians 6:4). [14]

There have been many marriages fail because a husband or wife allows their children to come between them. God did not intend for children to destroy marriages, but rather to strengthen them. A husband and wife can keep their love aglow for each other while loving and caring for their children. [15]

One time a teenager was interviewed and asked, “What do you want most in your family?” She answered, “For my parents to love each other!” [16]

Friendships

Friendships with others are very important in our lives, and such can compliment the happiness of married couples. However, to do this, our friends must never take priority over our mates. After God and family, our friends must receive third place. In fact, this is the place that a true friend will want to occupy. True friends will now seek ways to cause problems in our families, but will always be there to help. [17]

Therefore, those who have happy marriages have found the right order for the priorities in their lives. [18]

Instructions: Fill in the blanks

1. “________________ the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,” (Titus 2:4) (4)

2. “love your wives and do not be _______toward them” (Col. 3:19)

3. “that they “admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their ________,” (Titus 2:4)

4. “Do not be ________________, God is not mocked;” (Gal. 6:7)

5. ”they are no longer two but one _______________” (Mt. 19:6)

6. Love: “believes all things, __________all things,” (1 Cor. 13:7)

7. “God demonstrates His own _________toward us,” (Rom. 5:8)

8. Christ died for ______________ (Rom. 5:8)

9. “whatever a man _________, that he will also reap” (Gal. 6:7)

10. “will of the ______________reap everlasting life” (Gal. 6:8

11. A special kind of heart (Eph. 4:32) _____________

—BBBristow